


pearls and shells and hearts

by spoopdeedoop



Category: In the Heights - Miranda/Hudes
Genre: Like, M/M, Merfolk AU, also like. i was coming up blank on the scenarios that could be used so, also this is actual shit, angsty, dont @ me if these are kinda sketchy lol, just so you know lol, merman!usnavi, none of these sea facts are real by the way, thats it thats all you need to know, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28666125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoopdeedoop/pseuds/spoopdeedoop
Summary: He’s going through the shells.There’s a lot of them, but not as many as Benny remembers having, which is weird. He’d been pretty sure he’d memorised them all. Maybe he’d lost a few to the cracks in the walls or the gaps between his desk and the wall, or maybe they’d found their way to the balcony and dropped off to be lost to the long grass below.He counts the ones he has left.There’s twenty-eight of them.He remembers receiving every single one.(Or: Usnavi has given Benny a lot of seashells to remember him by.)
Relationships: Benny/Usnavi (In the Heights)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 6





	pearls and shells and hearts

**Author's Note:**

> okay so!!!
> 
> i’ve had this fic swimmin around (hahaha,,,,pun) in my head for a long time and ive had this draft sitting in my docs for an even loNGER time so. 
> 
> This is based off [yo_let_me_get_a_milkyway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yo_let_me_get_a_milkyway/profile) ‘s merman!usnavi AU! which i think was inspired by [this fic?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8879971?view_adult=true)
> 
> anyway! hope you enjoy :)

He’s going through the shells.

There’s a lot of them, but not as many as Benny remembers having, which is weird. He’d been pretty sure he’d memorised them all. Maybe he’d lost a few to the cracks in the walls or the gaps between his desk and the wall, or maybe they’d found their way to the balcony and dropped off to be lost to the long grass below. 

He counts the ones he has left. 

There’s twenty-eight of them.

He remembers receiving every single one.

Benny silently upends the box he keeps them in and spreads them out across his bedroom floor. He picks up the one nearest to him: a small shell shaped like a unicorn horn spire, much like the ones from the sea snails Benny knew well. This one, however, was a blue and orange hue with odd spikes protruding from its sides. Like nothing he’d ever seen before.

  
  
  


_He’s walking across the dock, staring out to sea with his laptop under his arm. The aquarium research facility had asked him to put together a small webpage for children interested in pursuing this field of study._

_“Make them interested,” the email had said. “We want to inspire a whole new generation of marine biologists to continue our research.”_

_Benny still doesn’t know why he’s been assigned this particular job. He’s never been all that good with children, and this is definitely not his field of research. But he doesn’t question it._

_He sits down near the edge of the dock and opens his laptop. He's always able to think better near a body of water._

_He stares at the empty draft document open on his screen and sighs. How do children think? Do they even know what marine biology is? Then he remembers this website is for kids, not idiots._

_He tries to type out some remotely coherent sentences._

The sea is a complicated subject.

_Like hell it is._

_You make the ocean sound like it’s a human’s brain or something. This is about MARINE biology. Start over._

The sea is

_The sea is a lot of things._

_No shit._

The sea is home to many wonderful creatures.

_Okay. We’re getting somewhere. Sort of.  
  
_

_Ugh._

_Benny hears a faint splash and feels something warm against his leg, almost causing him to drop his laptop into the water. He glances down to be met with a familiar face._

_“Usnavi!” He fights to keep his face stern when there’s a very clear note of exuberation in his voice. He leans down to face the merman and drops his voice to a low hiss. “What are you doing here? There are people on the beach! They could see you!” It worries Benny that Usnavi could one day end up on the news as a cryptid being found. He’d get taken to some big research facility, away from the seawater and sunlight and everything he loves, and Benny wouldn’t be able to see him again, which is basically equivalent to the world ending, and he doesn’t want that for him._

_Usnavi grins and swims around in a happy little circle without a care in the world. “I just wanted to see you again,” he says gently. He can clearly sense that Benny’s a little on edge, though, because he ducks his head sheepishly and says “I’m sorry if you didn’t want me here today. I can leave?”_

_“Wait.” Benny’s voice cracks. He clears his throat. “Um. Why’d you come to meet me?”_

_Usnavi raises his webbed hands to take one of Benny’s between them. Benny feels something solid and wet fall into his palm and draws his hand out to reveal the shell similar to that of a sea snail Benny knows of, except it isn’t_ . _It’s a colour Benny has never seen on these types of shells before, plus jagged edges jutting out of the sides, something he’s never seen before._

_“Navi,” he says slowly. “Where did you get this?”_

_“Oh! Near a rock on the seafloor.” The merman tilts his head, completely oblivious to this scientific breakthrough, still with that ceaseless, oddly contagious smile. “I know how much you like weird sea stuff, so.” He blinks up at Benny. “Do you like it?”_

_“I-_ yes, _I-” He’s at a loss for words. “Wow.” He holds it up to the sunlight, studying it with awe. “It’s beautiful.”_

_Usnavi flaps his tail wih delight. “I’m glad you think so.” He hesitates, then says, “I can bring you more, if you like.”_

_“You would do that?”_

_“Of course! Anything for you.”_

_Benny doesn’t know what the buzzy electric feeling in his nerves means. He decides that he doesn’t need to, yet._

_“You need to go,” he says fondly. “People are gonna see you.”_

_The merman sticks his tongue out. “Fine. But I_ am _coming back tomorrow to feed your eccentric obsession with sea rocks.”_

_They’re not rocks, but Benny lets Usnavi have this one. He waves the merman off, grinning. “Have it your way.”_

_Usnavi flips his tail at him playfully and disappears into the dark water, and Benny is suddenly full of inspiration for this paragraph he’s supposed to be writing._

  
  
  


He turns the shell over in his hands, his heart brimming with ache. It’s been so long.

Benny sets it down tentatively and picks up the next one. It’s smooth and round, almost a perfect sphere, except for a hole in the top that is so perfect it looks drilled. The shell is a dark, deep red, speckled with flecks of purple and white. 

  
  
  


_He’s underwater in his scuba gear, examining the progress of the wildlife residing in the reefs. Silver fish dart away from him as he swims, brushing against his legs. He brings out the waterproof camera he’d been equipped with and takes a few pictures for the research facility, tilting the device to capture the banks of coral from all sides._

_Benny skims through the photos and exhales a stream of bubbles when he sees the glint of a turquoise tail in the last one. He looks up and sees Usnavi not-so-stealthily peering at him from behind a large moss-coated rock, his eyes squinted, fixated on him._

_Benny waves. Usnavi grins at him with all of his perfect white teeth and waves something large and shiny at him. Benny narrows his eyes. Usnavi points a webbed finger upwards. Benny nods._

_They surface. He takes the snorkel out of his mouth and glances around, making sure they’re far away from the beach. Usnavi breaks the top of the water and shakes his head, spraying Benny with water, looking up with him, his eyes lit with mischief._

_“Do you follow me underwater a lot?” Benny accuses._

_The merman grins. There’s a tease of a dimple beside the left corner of his mouth that Benny’s never noticed before. “Perhaps. Maybe. It’s probable.”_

_Benny sends a small wave of water at Usnavi. He laughs and splashes him back._

_“So what’s up?”_

_“I found another weird sea thing for you!” Usnavi nudges something spherical at Benny and Benny fumbles to catch it. It’s a ball shaped shell that’s surprisingly heavy for an item its size; crimson red freckled with light purple and icy white. Benny flips it over and notices a hole through it for whatever was living inside it to come out._

_“I actually saw the thing living in it come out,” Usnavi says enthusiastically. “It looked a bit like a crab. But it had, like, a slug tail. I think.”_

_“A crab with a slug tail?” Benny stares at the merman skeptically, then looks to the shell again. “Hm.”_

_“I’m not lying. I saw it with my own two eyes.” Usnavi widens his eyes pointedly, and Benny swats at him._

_Perhaps it’s worth noting that Benny knows full well that the right thing to do with Usnavi’s gifts was to probably turn them in to the aquarium so they could provide further research on the creatures that used to live inside the seashells. They should be used for study purposes, to accelerate human understanding of the ocean, rather than sitting idly on Benny’s bookshelf like trophies from soccer tournaments._

_He doesn’t want to give them up, though. The shells are beautiful and intricate and most importantly they came from_ Usnavi. _He feels an odd, guilty, lonely feeling whenever he thinks about giving them away or losing them. Maybe it was selfish of him, but keeping them to himself and Usnavi felt right._

_It was their thing. It belonged to them._

_This shell was the seventh Usnavi’s given him. Benny didn’t realise how much of the ocean and its creatures were still unexplored and uncharted, and how he’d never been aware of it._

_“Do you like it?” Usnavi asks, like he always does. And as always, Benny says “Of course.”_

_The merman brushes his tail against Benny’s legs. “So have you got anything for me?” He asks teasingly._

_In return for Usnavi’s shells, Benny had started giving the merman odd things from the land and the city, like spoons and flowers. Small things. Usnavi is always delighted every single time he receives them._

_“Yeah, actually.” Benny pulls out the tiny rock in his back pocket, about the size of his thumb’s fingernail. Nina had discovered it on one of her walks along the edge of the forest and given it to Benny, explaining that she’d needed to give some stuff away because Vanessa was moving in with her and that she didn’t care much for gemstones, anyway. Benny knew what he was going to do with it before he’d even received it._

_He produces it to Usnavi and relishes in the reaction he gets. Usnavi’s face is practically glowing._

_“It’s shiny!” He reaches for it, then pauses, glancing at Benny. Benny nods and hands it to him. Usnavi inspects it from every angle, an expression of bright, childish wonder on his face. Benny laughs, and Usnavi glances at him with a glowing smile that makes Benny’s stomach feel all warm and tingly.“What is it?”_

_“It’s a sapphire, I think,” Benny tells him, but he’s not actually sure. It’s definitely blue._

_Usnavi runs his fingers across the jagged edges of the gem, his eyes wide. “What’s it for?”_

_“I dunno. Humans use them mostly for show, I think. I see them on jewellery a lot.”_

_“Jewellery,” Usnavi says slowly, dissecting it like it’s a foreign word._

_Benny stares at him. “I think it compliments your eyes.” No, he doesn’t. He’s just very fixated on the merman’s eyes at the moment - The words are out of his mouth before he even knows they were on his tongue._

_Usnavi chuckles. “My eyes are brown.”_

_“Yeah, well.” Benny flounders around for some reasonable excuse. “Brown and blue go well together.”_

_The merman makes a noise in agreement, and Benny’s back to staring at his eyes. Usnavi catches him looking and smiles, and something clicks in Benny’s heart._

_He realises. He sees it._

_They don’t look away for a very long time._

  
  
  


Benny stares at this shell for longer than the others. It marked the first time his heart had stuttered and he’d noticed what it had meant. He tilts his head thoughtfully, then puts it down once more.

He sifts through the shells, through the memories and meetings and confessions and laughter and tears, until he finds it.

The last one. The last shell Usnavi had given him, and it wasn’t really a shell at all. It was a clam, about the size of Benny’s palm.

Benny doesn’t need to open it to remember the tiny pearl that resides inside it. 

  
  
  
  


_“I want to take you out.”_

_Usnavi leans back to study Benny’s face. “You can’t,” he says regretfully. He lifts his tail from where it was dabbling the water and raises an eyebrow._

_“I know. But I_ want _to.” Benny sighs. “I could take you to an actual restaurant and we wouldn’t have to eat my shitty sandwiches whenever we meet.”_

_“I like your sandwiches,” Usnavi offers._

_Benny kisses him for that._

_They’re on the shore, watching the stars and listening to the waves as they slap silently against the wet sand, giddy off lazy kissing and the bottle of champagne Benny had brought down to share. It’s a little past midnight; no one would be at the beach this early. Usnavi has his tail curled around Benny’s legs and his head resting against his stomach, and Benny thinks, not for the first time, he is very, very lucky._

_“I want to take_ you _out,”_ _Usnavi announces suddenly._

_Benny sits up. “Oh?”_

_“I’d take you down to that underwater cave I found. It’s really far down but it’s so worth it. There’s a lot of glowy fish and coral and snails with weird colourful shells.” He buries his face into Benny’s chest, and Benny can feel him smile. “You’d love it.”_

_“I bet I would.”_

_Usnavi exhales loudly. “I wish we could see each other without worrying people are gonna see us.”_

_Benny wholeheartedly agrees. It’s exhausting making sure no one is on the beach before making dates to meet up and running out of excuses to tell Nina for why he has yet_ another _weird rainbow seashell and fumbling for a reason to give his boss for why he didn’t do the research he’d been asked to do. It was worth it, definitely, but also very tiring._

_Benny rakes a hand through Usnavi’s hair absent-mindedly. “Me too.”_

_A moment of silence._

_“OH.” Usnavi’s head shoots up so abruptly it almost collides with Benny’s jaw. “I almost forgot!” He rummages around in the sand frantically, and Benny draws his legs in, watching the merman’s movements, bewildered._

_Usnavi digs out something dark from the sand and hands it to Benny. “I was gonna give you this later, but what the hell.”_

_Benny glances at him, then at the thing in his hands, then back at him._

_“Open it.” Usnavi nudges Benny’s side, a small sideways smile beginning to appear on his face. Benny can feel it on his face, too._

_The thing in his hands is a clam shell._

_Benny pries it open._

_Inside is an actual motherfucking pearl._

_“Usnavi,” Benny breathes. “I’m. Wh-where’d you get this?”_

_“Found it,” he says. He doesn’t say anything more. He doesn’t need to. “Do you like it?”_

_“I love it.” Benny looks up. “I love_ you.”

_He reaches out and kisses him again, hard, and it’s salt and champagne and sparkling oceans and lukewarm midnights and he is just._

_Usnavi._

_And he is perfect._

_Benny leans back, and because he’s in love and stupid, he says “you taste like fish.”_

_Usnavi wrinkles his nose at him. “Sucks to be you,” he says, and then kisses him again, and Benny is smiling so hard it hurts._

_They return to staring at the night sky again, melting into each other._

  
  
  


They’d planned another meeting almost immediately after that one, because Usnavi had wanted to try food from a human restaurant and see if it was actually any better than Benny’s cooking _(“It will be,” Benny warned Usnavi, to which the merman scoffed, as if nothing was more improbable)_ and _“also maybe i’ll bring you another shell next time?”_

But there was no next time.

Benny sat there for the entire day, his feet skimming the surface of the water, waiting for Usnavi to show up. But he didn’t.

This went on for three days. Which turned into two weeks. To three weeks. Which turned into a full month.

At first Benny thought the merman might be mad at him, but that wouldn’t make sense. He’s never mad at him. The only plausible explanation was that something had happened. 

Something bad.

Benny feels his eyes start to burn. Carefully, he picks up the shells and places them back into the box, lingering in each one like they had secrets he’d yet to discover. He stands up, takes the box delicately between his hands, and kicks his apartment door open. 

He gets into his car, sets the box on the top of the dashboard, and drives himself to the beach. He doesn’t even bother to turn the radio on. The box rattles gently against the windowpane as he drives, the only sound he can hear amongst the car’s engine and his own steady, mournful heartbeat.

He walks along the dock again, the box tucked under his arm, glancing out to sea. Looking. Searching.

He’s not here.

Benny sits at the edge of the platform and stares at the water eddying around the wooden planks holding the dock up. Wills his eyes to stop stinging. Holds the box so tightly against himself he can feel the edges dig into his ribcage.

This side of the beach seems deserted. There’s no people. It’s as if all the life had been sucked out, somehow. Empty.

It looks how Benny’s heart feels.

Then.

A small splash against wood.

Benny glances up, hopeful. But the tail in the water isn’t Usnavi’s bright cyan. It’s a pale orange, sort of, and the shape is different. 

But it’s definitely not a fish.

The hopeful spark in Benny’s stomach goes out, but Benny edges closer to the water to see what it is anyway.

A small merman, reasonably younger than Usnavi, surfaces. He’s looking at Benny, his gaze curious. 

“Are you Benny?” He asks. He swims closer, his eyes wide with caution. He’s got Usnavi’s hair colour, and Benny’s chest aches.

“Um. Yeah. Sorry, who are you?”

The kid gives him a wary look. “Sonny,” he says briskly. “I’m-” his voice breaks, and he pauses. Inhales like he’s practiced this introduction before and has excercised himself to refrain from breaking down. “I was his cousin.”

“Usnavi’s?”

“Yeah.”

Benny tries very hard to not think about the ominous _was_ in place of an _am_ , but it’s impossible. “What…. what happened?”

Sonny stares intensely at the water for a moment, not making eye contact. “He’s not here,” is all he mumbles.

Benny gets the message between those words.

Fuck.

No.

“He told me about you,” Sonny says. He sounds lost, small. “He said that if anything happened to him, I could turn to you.”

“You don’t have… any other family?”

“Not really.”

Benny shakes his head in disbelief. This wasn’t real. “I’m sorry,” he says softly, unsure of what to do. He’s surprised his voice comes out so steady when his insides feel like they’re being torn apart. “I’m sorry.”

The box creaks gently under his vicelike grip. Sonny glances at it. Benny pushes it behind himself with a shaky inhale and turns back. 

“I’ll…I’ll keep in touch,” says Sonny, backing away. “Um. But I’ll give you some time.” 

Benny gives him an appreciative nod. “Thank you.”

He vanishes under the water, and Benny is left with his broken heart and the empty hole in the pit of his stomach. His eyes start burning again, and this time Benny lets the tears fall. He doesn’t care anymore.

He sits there alone for a long moment, not knowing what to do with himself.

Then he reaches out behind him.

Takes the box. The shells.

Lifts out the pearl and presses his lips to it briefly. 

Then drops it into the ocean.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
